Slightly unapologetic......

So, I have been struggling with my weight as far back as I can remember.  Honestly.  I'm pretty sure the first time I realized I was 'fat' was in middle school.....

I started this blog as a documentary of my weight loss and also that of my boyfriend.  I soon realized that it's also a pretty good place to vent about certain things and get a lot of stuff off my mind that has been going nonstop.   

My journey with Weight Watchers started back in 2007 I'm pretty sure.  At the time, I was freshly married to my now ex husband who was getting ready to deploy for 6 months.  I figured that him being on deployment would be an awesome time to lose some weight and really impress him when he got home.  I started out doing it for him, but as I started losing more weight I realized who it was really about: me.  By the time he got home from deployment, I had lost 35 lbs.  You know what he said to me when he saw me?  Nothing.  Not a 'wow, you look great' or 'look how good you look', NOTHING!  We got back to the hotel and I had brought my own food that was prepackaged and there were pringles there.  I'm never going to forget this, but he actually said to me; 'I thought you were on a diet, how and why are you eating those pringles?'.  Ummmm, yea.

So needless to say, our marriage began it's downward spiral within the next year or so and my weight did the opposite of that downward spiral and went back upwards.  Ugh, back to the drawing board.  Now, I'm not here to say that I was a perfect angel and that he was the sole reason behind our failed marriage because that's not true at all.  I think that at 23 and 24, you don't know what you want and we were not ready to be married by any means.

By the time our relationship was way sour and we were going through our divorce, I had officially gained back all of those amazing 35 pounds that I lost.  I was sad and depressed and trying to keep up with school that I had started because finally decided at 24, that I wanted to go back to school and do something with my life instead of bumming around from job to job.  School and divorce and weight loss = a tragic situation.  I didn't lose anymore weight.  I actually put on about 5 to 10 more than I originally started with.  FAIL.

Things finally started falling back into place.  Just within this last year mind you.  I have a great boyfriend, who has been my rock and support and my everything throughout the last year.  I have a great family and a new nephew who is probably the cutest thing in the entire world (I'm obviously a little biased in this opinion).  I have an amazing network of friends and without them I don't know what I would do.  Having a friend since 4th grade that you're still friends with is an accomplishment, even if we have had our fair share of battles and not talking.  I'm glad she's back in my life now and never want her to go away 8<.  I have also made a very successful friendship in someone I work with and she's right there beside me on the journey of weight-loss.  I also pushed out the bad and negative in my life (next blog).

With all that being said, I started weight watchers again last week.  I weighed in at, gulp(first time publicly admitting this), 226.2 lbs.  Which isn't bad coming down from I think it was 240ish when I started the first time(thank you braces for your initial 15 lbs weight loss when I first got you!)!  I don't feel like I weigh over 200lbs.  It's gross and I see these people on tv that look nothing like me but weigh the same as me!  Its frustrating and this is a trying time.  Anyway, I have my eye on the prize this time.  I weighed in today at 221.3 lbs.  I lost 4.9 lbs in my first week.  I'm proud of myself and also very encouraged as well.  I will have my list of goals posted next week plus the 'other blog about negative' up in a few days.  School and work are kicking my behind now, but I see PSU and graduation up ahead in the distance, so future here I come!